The Comeback Girl

Hi Comeback Kids, Comeback Girl is is so sick and tired of being predictable so today she decided would be the day that she I would (1) not do third person and (2) raise the stakes a little and get personal.

I wanted to thank my growing fan base because somewhere around week six I was at 10k hits (no cross linking no adverts). I know that internet traffic can be a little fickle. And this blog was in response to alot of black gossip sites that I thought weren’t really playing fairly, ie doing a lot of black celebrity gossip and exposing (some true, mostly false) information and determined not to reveal anything about themselves. This is a hybrid hodgepodge of celebrity news, gossip, reality tv recaps, and lots of personal reflection.

It appears (from google) that I am doing most if not all of the talking about Deb “Gotti” Lorenzo of VH1’s “Gotti’s Way”. Deb is married to Irv Gotti, CEO of Murder Inc. They have an arrangement whereby Deb lives in the suburbs with the kids and Irv lives in utter marital status denial and visits when the two faced side of hip hop rears it’s fatherly head (which is often to Irv’s credit).

But he is also a “husband” with second thoughts. I am moved by two of the recent comments about Irv and Deb which has inspired this post.

As I write this many women (specifically Black women-myself included) are trying to figure out how to get the love we all deserve and need. You might ask so where does “Honey Bumpkins” aka “O” come into all of this ? Well “O” is my boyfriend-at-large. He gets the “at-large” title because he’s totally re-vamped the idea of boyfriend as we work out our long distance relationship (ldr) while he does his “Grey’s Anatomy” thing that he’s worked semi hard at close to three years and extremely hard at for 5 months -the time he has been away. I’ve done everything I could (sometimes unknowingly) to test the boundaries, the trust, the love and ultimately him. When he first left I did alot of things I’m not terribly proud of: I went in his email, I called at strange times of the night needing to talk (with him always obliging me passing that portion of the “I wonder if he is alone” practicum. Other times I decided that LDR was something I couldn’t handle and went out on dates (which were STRICTLY dates). I was upfront with both “O” and most times my dates. However, “O” always seemed to know when I was on a date and always found a reason to call and want to have his version of my “talk”. The Frank Lucas date was the longest he’s ever waited to call post date: 3 hours.

So I stopped the dating for now. I am giving “O” a chance to come home in a couple of weeks so that we can have our “State of the Union” address. I still have relaspes. The email thing was a big one. One in which he hasn’t quite forgiven me. My mama always says that you’ll find anything you go hard enough looking for. I did find an email from an ex. It wasn’t romantic or anything. But I flipped. Please don’t ask how I hacked it.

A week or so ago “O” and I had a heart to heart. I confessed that I was once tied to the who. Now I am tied to the what. It means that I was so damn invested in the fact that I wanted HIM to be the one. I still do on many levels, but now I am much more tied to the goal. I ultimately want to be married with great kids and a husband.  I visualize it everyday. But “O” has become the variable. He’s not the only man on the universe. And I think ultimately, the tested relationships are the ones that make us better people for the one we are with or someone else.

What I admire most about Deb is that she stepped aside. She is no longer the same woman that she was when they met. But Irv chose to grow in a different direction. And throwing hip hop in the mix is a totally different bag of nuts.

I think its easy for us to look at women like (Justine “Run” Simmons, Jackie Christie, Tamia Hill) and say they are lucky, but these women have done the work whereby married to men in sterotypically womanizing professions have awarded them the deeply “committed” and married relationship prize.

I would love to have a roundtable with these women.