Monday, November 10, 2008

Black Man Pixie Dust: Trust or Bust?

tinkerbell

Comeback Lovelies,

The one thing that gives me ULCERS-the kind that brother SBM gets, are people who speak untruths (or THEIR personal truths masked as universal law), specfically other men who tell women that good men are really really hard to find). If it wasn’t Sunday night, I’d cuss.

That’s bullshyt to me (its 12:01pm Monday morning lol). Firstly, I always talk about the power of the tongue. Language is important and shows up to align with your perception and view of the world. Secondly, it just isn’t true. I was in church today and I saw at least 6 or 7 single black men ages (25-40) sitting in my little section of equal amounts of single women who appeared to be within the same age group, close enough for me to observe and ponder with my naked eye. I’m not saying to rush out to church to meet a man nor that all single men in church are “good”. If that is your sole purpose in getting a word on Sunday, he will NOT SHOW UP THERE and if he does HE WON’T BE WHAT YOU WANT, trust.

  What I am saying is that: GOOD SINGLE MEN ARE EVERYWHERE IN GREAT SUPPLY.

So let me illustrate to you below what happens when we believe the Black Man Pixie Dust Theory. The one that highlights that there are 30 women to one man:

Chance & Real

Chance & Real

We get a reality show that further perpetuates the lies men tell each other and us, on and off of VH1. We get men who behave badly because again he sold you the urban myth that its less of him and more of you (this concept really only benefits him in the smorgasbord of love). And you (as a woman) continue to block your blessings because you believe it. I guess you missed the memo, that there is someone perfectly designed for you.

Do all my Comeback Lovelies (male and female) believe that?

I personally do. I also believe that whomever you are with is also predestined as well. I further believe that people are your rite of passage. You love really wrong to hopefully learn how to get it right (or a better version of right). But when we buy-into the scarcity concept, in that there is a shrinking supply of single men, It causes women to act in a way that assures “the one” is either hard to find or in fact doesn’t exist, as the Black Male Urban Legend suggests.

So lets have a fireside chit chat..where are the single men ???? (hint: http://www.microcenter.com/at_the_stores/rockville.html  lol. I’m not lying. lol

do you believe in soul mates? What do you think about the whole Black Male Urban Legend Scarcity Theory, particularly when it comes from other black men? Is my Urban Legend statistic even correct? Am I blowing pixie dust up your butt?

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Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sunday Video

Ok so this is the video which goes with part of tomorrow’s post. I know I need media training and that many of my subject and verbs are not agreeing. I’m working on that. Oh yeah if yall see some bags under my eyes. You would be correct. Im not sleeping much. I’m working on a kabillion different things. A.D.D. and passion, be a bridge to my pillowtop.. lol.

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Friday, November 7, 2008

Gratitude Friday: Do You Love What You Feel?

Comeback Lovers, Friends and People “watching” from the ether (I see you). LOL

On this Gratitude Friday, Comeback Girl is super happy but also super exhausted right now, but I’mma push through this post because I love this blog (wink wink).

Jolie mentioned something so poignant yesterday and I thought I’d really underscore it on Gratitude Friday. So poignant, there’s a Chaka Khan song for it: “Do You Love What You Feel?” (follow me..Im going to walk yall all the way around the barn and back).

Jolie wrote:

God is great and he always has a plan and it works in his time. Four years ago when Bush was reelected there were many wondering, “how could this be.” Often, in the time of struggle, we forgot how great God is. If Bush wasn’t the President for 8 years, we would not have seen this day. We might not always like the plan or be able to see what’s ahead. It might take us years to see why God did what he did, but if we hold on.

In my reply to her, I honestly believe that God/Source/Allah whatever you call him/her wants what you want. I also believe that it doesn’t take forever for dreams to come true (see Barack Obama). However, your real gift is ALWAYS in the process not just in its destination. This got me thinking about George the 43rd. He Condi and Cheney put this country in a terrible bind. I know you all are sick and tired of me bringing up “W” the movie. But it really help put alot of things in perspective for me. It connected many “dots” that I had heard before in different places and even partly from the horses mouth. And that is George the 43rd didn’t really “LOVE what he “feel’d”". When you love what you do, you do it well. You’d do it for free. It keeps you up. It energizes you. You don’t sign out at 4:30pm on the dot EVERDAY (reportedly Bush’s checking out time, I believe). You take work home. Ideas home. People buy your koolaid because they sense the love. My grandma used to always say. Anybody can half-a!s, if you aren’t going to do it right don’t do it at all. I’d add to granny’s saying, “if you aren’t going to do it with a certain amount of love and reverence, don’t do it at all.” Sure every part of your work isn’t going to bring you joy. There may be very little to no joy in sharpening a pencil. But if a portion of your life isn’t joy filled…please stay home and try and find it. It’s not even worth it. I can read joy in people’s work. In their products. In their books. In their food. In their lives.

Being President, wasn’t “W’s” dream. It was his daddy’s hope for Jeb. I honestly believe the lesson is you must LOVE what you do. You must LOVE what you feel. Anything less suggests you aren’t in your flow or your passion. And of course you get out what you put in. Voila, a country and a world in a complete shambles needing a little love and direction. A product of a vision belonging to someone else FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

Comeback Lovelies. What do you love about what you feel? as it relates to your work or the work you feel you were sent here to do. Do you know what you were sent here to do?

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Get Your Mind Right! Part 1

get you mind right

**update: So to not saturate the discussions here between SSS and myself with Real Housewives of ATL (If the black socialte comes on to discuss with us (I reached out to her last Friday)-I’ll move the Housewives post back to the top), I’ve decided to add the original post that I was going to do for our discussion.***

I don’t think I’ve ever read my on again, off again, off again, really really off again blog brother, SBM, talk about “Life Being Good” in the 6 or 7 months I’ve been faithfully reading his blog. Which is why I didn’t get my hopes up too high when he followed it a few hours later with “The Bad Part”, detailing notions of racism not being over and the black folk who think that one election could erase all of Jim Crow’s residue, along with the mini-discourse that resulted as we wrangled with accountability and life just sucking badly.

***And let me just close my Mary Poppins umbrella for a minute*** I’d like to vouch for the fact that the dow just tanked almost 500 points on unemployment data yesterday. The US Dollar to Euro exchange is at 0.7787. Late June/early May of this year showed a steep dip as low as .63. The global economy is taking serious hits on almost every financial indicator.

***opens umbrella***But I’m grateful I have a job that allows me to tie my worth to cost savings and revenue generation in a product that’s almost reccession proof. I see huge lessons of fiscal responsibilty (personal and political). I see opportunity in some real estate locations not just in my area, but all over the country. I see Mikki buying real estate for little to nothing, which inspires me to stick my foot back into some of the RE investment water. I see the opportunity to become more entrepreneurial. I see what happens when one depends deeply on one source of income. I see the importance in having multiple marketable skills that are compatible in all economic seasons.

But most importantly I see what happens (and quickly) when a man thinks big, moves steadily toward actionable steps, and stays the course. I’m more than euphoric about the fact that President-Elect Barack Obama has shown others how to dream the “impossible dream”, I’m not so euphoric about how the blueprint of his success has gone largely over most people’s heads, particularly the one’s who continuously find themselves down on their luck-but now super elated with unmanaged expectations and lemonade made of pixie dust with two packs of splenda.

***do I sound like a Republican yet? …ok, just wait then for my closing paragraph..lol***

Self-Determination may be the new un-sexy, sexy. But so is the idea of being life’s victim. There really aren’t any excuses-and to me honestly there never were. Not being black. Not not having a father. Not being born in HI. Not being a product of a single mother.  There are no excuses. Not even racism.

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Jesse, How Do You Feel?

009

1:51 AM EDT ***I’m coming to you from a super semi fabulous hotel locale where I’ll spend the next couple of days with my comeback peeps and watching Obama garner 338 electorial votes for that decisive victory James Carville and I predicted the day before yesterday. I’m super nice right now on my third appletini, so if this post doesn’t come out quite right (then the world has ended, because I drop knowledge sober and appletini’d), please forgive me.

Humble “Brother Hummy”  ( “W” movie reference # 25) made a comment about 30 minutes ago. One in which I find  a little very provocative and rather deep. He referenced the Obama victory as being bittersweet. I asked him to elaborate with my infamous “???”. Humble replied:

“…I am so scared that this will short change the descendants of slaves. Let’s be honest he got elected by not having too much black baggage.”

This also got me thinking post slavery about the old black civil right’s guards, living and kicking today in congress or retirement: John Lewis, Maxine Waters, Jesse Jackson etc. I remember that there was a little contention early on about them learning that he was running like we all did, on television. I was never sure if there was a black protocol detailed in some handbook somewhere on how to announce to your congressional and/or civil right’s elders your intention to run for the highest office in the land.

It also got me thinking about our expectations for this human yet GREAT man, President-Elect Barack Obama. And getting back to Humble’s comment, the things we do sometimes to minimize our blackness and/or our otherness for common good or an intended outcome. Further, it got me thinking about being different. Taking unexpected routes that anger and frustrate others, but symbolize true leadership and willingness to enact change.

I have heard Jackson speak before about the bus boycotts and having to travel longer routes to restrooms in black churches as he and King were mobilizing black folks in the south, because stopping randomly at white establishments would get a sure fire “no” or much worse.

And while I didn’t feel warm and fuzzy about the “castration” comments Jackson made regarding Obama, I can’t help but to still feel a certain amount of respect yet disappointment in him. I saw Jesse marvel with tears in his eyes tonight at Obama who did what he couldn’t do twice (run and successfully win in 1984 and 1988.)

This totally intrigues me.

Is failure the punishment for being too “black, too loud, and too proud”? What say the treehouse now..

(UPDATE: 7:50AM EST..BTW…did Jolie just cuss me out in the comment section. I still love you Jolster? NOTE: I adore our President-Elect and called this race the day before yesterday. But we as black people should still be thinking critically at how success is or isn’t made. There are times where I am not at my all time “blackest” and it has very little to do with my lineage and how my folks got here. Humble might be asking the question literally. I am asking figurately as it relates to Jackson and his soured legacy).

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Monday, November 3, 2008

Tuesday Musings: Our First Black President, Barack Obama

***from the desk of Your Favorite Comeback Girl In All The Whole Wide World November 3, 10:42 pm EDT***

 obamabiden1

So yes, I’m a little presumptuous, but if James Carville can sleep easily tonight, assured of a decisive Obama-Biden victory, well then so can I.

I’ve also been thinking about his grandmother, Madelyn Payne Dunham, a remarkable and trailblazing woman making major career moves when being a woman and a bank VP was largely unheard of. She transitioned this life earlier today, but I can’t help but to think how mysterious yet perfectly orchestrated life in fact is. Everything has a time and a moment: birth, death, defeat and victory. Even true love, where all the stars are lined up in the sky to deliver one perfect mate designed for you. 

Obama’s raised the bar for other black men, fathers and husbands. And Michelle has certianly become the prototype of a dedicated wife and mother. I get really “unnerved” though by people trying to find some crazy bone in his closet in the form of newport cigarettes, other women, hidden assets, etc. I’m sure he has his missteps, but to suggest he can’t be black and morally correct and deeply in love with his wife, indicates a much deeper problem with those raising the suspicions. Maybe a bit of cynicism topped off with some haterade and a total lack of belief in what’s really possible not just for Obama, but for themselves as well. Doing the right thing (and even self-correcting) has never been hard in my estimation. And it has the best karmic payoff.

CNN on the big screen

 So Comeback Girl has a really busy day tomorrow. I found a cool little swank family friendly hotel outside of DC to stay and watch the election results with my peeps. I also feel like I’m a kid again and tomorrow is the first day of school as I supervised my mother to make sure my skirt pleats were perfect, my penny loafers were dope girl fresh with a shiny penny, and my cardigan was reppin the fly Daughter’s Of St. Anthony. look for something cute to wear with my “I voted sticker”. I feel like its Christmas eve.

I may vlog from the watch spot at the hotel and interview people too.

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Monday, November 3, 2008

Monday Musings: Voting Etiquette 2008

***CBG note: today through tomorrow at midnight, I will have blog tunnel vision. Nothing is more important to me right now than Barackin’ the vote and waiting on Mikki aka Anitra to log-in so she can bring back her own “personal rendition” of a young ”Shirley Chisholm Goes To Washington” in her avatar.

I am a little troubled as to why she keeps changing it. As 80’s Baby mentioned in the comment section, there is no more befitting avatar (since Ms. Chisholm was the first Black woman to run for President) to have on the eve before we usher in our first Black President.***

Shirley Chisholm

Shirley Chisholm

I’m not sure how I feel about the phrase. I’ve seen it being written about around the net as of late. And I understand how etiquette works when following the word “table” or even “social”, but voting etiquette? To me it implies that you don’t know that you must wait until you’ve voted (similar to knowing that in restaurants and formal/semi-formal family settings to eat once everyone has been served and/or the hostess has signaled to do so) before slapping that “I voted” sticker on your sweater.

Apparently, I was slipping on my own personal voting etiquette after checking Concreteloop and then www.canivote.org, and discovering that where I WAS going to vote tomorrow-wasn’t exactly where I was registered to vote. ***Comeback Confessional: My driver’s license, car registration, and voter’s registration have been in the address of my mama’s house (10 minutes up the street and around the corner from the mature and “independent” age of 24 1/2). At the primaries earlier this year, I got this bright idea to grow up and change the above to my own address, starting with my voter’s registration address of record. Apparently the address change is still being processed (lol) because it still says my mama’s house. I’ll follow up with a call to the Board of Elections today for good measure. Moreover, I’m taking the day off tomorrow, so SOMEBODY will be counting Comeback Girl’s vote. Trust and Believe.

Here are the others. Are you up on your Voting Etiquette Comeback Lovelies?

From www.concreteloop.com

get the list of voting dos and don’ts after the jump Keep reading →

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Sunday, November 2, 2008

My Place In This World, On Youtube And With The Celibates

 

Please bare with me. Im NOT putting this on youtube. Because youtubers are mean. And I need more media training. Anywhoo. checkit. and don’t laugh at me.

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Friday, October 31, 2008

Shiny Happy People

So on this Gratitude Friday (and Halloween), I decided to change it up a little and back up my thoughts on gratitude and happiness with a little bit of weird science and some Maze feat Frankie Beverly:

…studies have shown a connection between happiness and longevity. In 2001, Deborah Danner, at the University of Kentucky’s Center for Gerontology, analyzed the handwritten autobiographies of 180 nuns of mean age 22, and compared the positive emotional content of the writings with the nuns’ health six decades later. It turns out that sisters who used words like “joy” and “thankful” lived up to 10 years longer than did those who expressed negative emotions.

And then most of you know there is this little hormone called cortisol, which if high enough can also contribute to your gaining weight. Stress weight. Not macaroni and cheese weight lol. j/k

Saliva samples were taken to measure the volunteers’ cortisol content. Cortisol is a stress hormone related to conditions such as type II diabetes and hypertension.”Cortisol is a key hormone,” said Steptoe, “because it has an impact on so may different physical conditions.”

The results were clear-cut. There was a 32 percent difference in cortisol levels between the least and the most happy subjects. Happy subjects also showed lower responses to stress in plasma fibrinogen levels, a protein that in high concentrations often signals future problems with coronary heart disease. Finally, happy men had lower heart rates over the day and evening, which suggests good cardiovascular health.

 (read the article in it’s entirety here)

I am AMAZED and really frustrated sometimes with people who have CONSTANT never ending complaints about EVERYTHING-and then wonder why they’re sick. My wish is that “traditional” science (as cited here) really starts to do more studies pertaining to thought and belief on a biological (cellular) level.

So Comeback Lovelies, what really makes you happy. I’ll start (in no particular order):

1. As you can probably guess from alot of the my pics I feature here, I love the outdoors. Beautiful plants and flowers really do it for me.

2. Fragrance. I am also fascinated at how aroma’s have been linked to certain wellness concepts, including lavender and jasmine.

3. Bravo TV. I know this is rather ignorant and I may be kicked out of the “black socialite to be” club. But I really LOVE Real Housewives of Atlanta. NeNe is a TRIP. And true I realize that many upwardly mobile black folks deem this show to be a bit of buffoonery and an embarrassment, I think its real. The season in fact most befitting of its name.

4. I heart this blog and all the readers. I seriously do. I have never been more passionate and inspired about our collective writing and what has come out of our discussions as I am even as I put hand to home keys. I realize that sometimes I come off as a little critical at times, and I honestly believe the more judgemental people have a tendency to be about things-the more about those things they need to learn. So, I’m still learning.

will finish the rest later in the morning.

***ended at 11:46pm 10/30***

***started again at 8:18am 10/31***

5. I feel very optimistic about this election. Im also looking for a cool hotel (outside of the city) where a few friends and family can stay and celebrate our first black President of the United States of America.

6. Its starting to get super cold here. I am thankful for heat and even the fact that soon I’ll have $300.00 monthly heating bills-I am greatful that I have it to pay.

7. I am happy and hopeful that my WHOLE family will learn to get along better. Life is not promised and some of the beef that goes back to before I was born is really senseless to me. I’m going to try and suggest some people talk and get together for Thanksgiving.

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

What Makes A Good Man Good

 

Santa Sent Him

Santa Sent Him

Last week I wrote about Santa bringing me a man, it contained my hugely anticipated, long awaited, much detailed list. I can’t say that it was well received, but it did get people talkingarguing about what was important and what wasn’t.

Somehow, my list, shortened and edited here being “service orientated”, “sexual compatiblity”, “God Loving”, and ”abundance minded”, etc., was just too specific. Some even said parts were ”materialistic” and highly subjective. These comments in my opinion clearly support that not only are people afraid to ask for something more, they have no idea what that more is.

Yesterday in the comment section Ms. Devereaux responded to my mid day inspiration for today’s “What Makes A Good Man Good” with this:

What Makes A Good Man Good…this is relative. I think there are a million answers to this because its a personal preference.

To which I am compelled to call bullhocky (come on I can’t cuss in this post referencing God alot). The notion of a good man (one in which you would be in a deeply committed relationship/marriage) is MUCH more universal than it is personal. At least it should be. We all have our height, weight, demographic, and even racial/cultural preferences. But all those things aside. What A Good Man Is, is exact to me, and the attributes should be on most people’s (particularly women’s) top 10 list. This list is pretty tight. I triple dare anybody to refute this knowledge I got going on here.

So without further delay…What Makes A Good Man Good:

1. Love of God or some other higher power which keeps him grounded. It doesn’t have him pretending to be superman. Making judgements that lack integrity (see item 2) or forgetting about the universal hand that always comes back to right wrongs (karma).

2. Integrity will keep a man faithful even when his “options” are discrete and have double D’s that sit over in the next cubicle. Integrity keeps him home. It keeps him reminded of all that could be at stake if he cheated or decided the grass was greener on the other side. Integrity also suggests that should he have children that he supports them and it suggests that his past is carefully dealt with and done.

3. Being His Own Man should have him making sound decisions when the alternative “appears” easier. It will have him standing up to a friend and charting his own course when their (relationship/money/career) misery would like his company. It also should have him “having your back” when someone else verbally doesn’t.

4. Vision is huge to me. There are biblical references that state “without a vision the people perish”. A good man has to be able to see you out of the messes. He has to be able to see long term and dream bigger better dreams balanced with a little calculated risk perhaps and careful action. It also suggests that he’s positive and hopeful and can see a bright future for you and him.

5. Sexual Compatibility in my opinion this is truly important. Without getting even more woo woo up and through. Sex is one of the only times you physically and emotionally become one. That shouldn’t be off at all. His need to please you should be matched with your equal effort and need to please him as well.

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